Life is a journey…sometimes the road is a bumpy one

Once again another semester of schooling comes to a close for me, and I felt it was appropriate to sit back and look at where I’m at, and where I’m going. Life as an adult is a mixed bag of…well everything.  There’s a lot of great points to it, at least for me like; being able to decide my own school path and pick my own hours, work a job that I love, and in general just be much more….comfortable with myself than I used to be.  Of course there are a lot of aspects of being an adult that are hard, and I mean they legitimately suck sometimes.  Trying to choose your own path, and finding your way there is stressful and hard as heck some days.  I know I have days where I sit back and try to decide how I’m going to possibly get into Vet school with the grades I’ve got now, or think about retaking college courses that I’ve failed…and it just gets to be too much some days.  Plans get ruined by things we can’t control, everyone wants you to think about your future, and finals and tests or even work can just suck the life out of you.

Honestly I’m still in my own process of figuring out how to deal with all this…well crap.  I’m trying to find my way through school, trying to figure out how I can keep myself from freaking out about things I can’t control or life in the future.  Some days are better than others, sometimes I can just compartmentalize everything and look at my life week by week…but other times I lay in bed at night, silently freaking out.  I’m a heck of a lot better than I used to be, and a lot of it has been through mentally training myself to do that compartmentalizing.  The unknown is scary, no denying that.  But when I do think ahead to my future, I try to think about it like when I was leaving High school.  There was a lot I had to do, it was all so overwhelming at the time.  On top of that not long after High school ended I also had to find a new job.  Both starting college and getting a new job were huge steps in my life, they were horrifying at the time.  I got an interview at a place I thought I wanted to work so badly, and that fell through.  I got stuck taking a low level math class that made me feel like an idiot at the college I began class at.  Things of course didn’t really go the way I had planned…or tried to plan.  But…once I started college I realized…it wasn’t so different from life before as I thought it would be.  Or really it WAS different, but it was easy to adjust to the new responsibilities I had…and I was never alone as I did it.  I had guidance from family and friends.  The job I had wanted might have fallen through, but eventually I found my way to a different job, working at an emergency Vet clinic…something I never really would have considered for myself (Vet clinic yes, emergency…no that thought terrified me) but now I love my job!  I can’t really imagine myself doing much else! 

Basically the point being, change is always scary and stressful, taking the next step in life is going to have it’s hurdles.  But it’s not always going to be tough, not everything is going to go wrong (even if it seems that way some days), and sometimes even plans falling through will end up having a cool benefit you never saw coming! 

I’m still a bit away from graduating college and honestly that sucks most days, it’s hard to keep my head up not knowing when I’m going to graduate.  It’s hard hearing tales of stress and worry of people graduating and knowing I can’t fully relate yet.  But I just have to remember that everyone’s journey is different.  Everyone will experience different things through their lives and moves at their own pace.  This is my journey, my pace, and I will take what comes, holding my head up as best I can.  

Advertisements

Sometimes you just feel…stuck

I suppose I’ve just been feeling a bit….stuck lately.  A lot of people I know are now at the point of wrapping up at the very least their bachelors degrees in college, or going out and traveling somewhere (My cousin traveled abroad recently for studying, and my brother in law has traveled around for work).  And I’m just kind of sitting here…with no real idea of when I’m going to be finished with my degree.  My grades haven’t been stellar the past couple of semesters because I’ve tried to take on too much to get done quicker…bad idea :/  My best estimate is MAYBE I can be done in about a year and half, I know it can’t be any sooner than that because I have to take two semesters worth of Organic Chemistry and Physics, and THEN I have to take freaking Organic chemistry lab.  Uggh, goodie.  This is all of course hinging on the fact that I don’t fail either again (Ok technically I didn’t fail physics, I dropped it but…I was getting pretty dangerously close).  I honestly just wish I had some clearer idea of when I’m going to be done…I might take a spring class or two to help me out with that…in the fall I’m looking at Orgo, Physics, and maybe MAYBE  some kind of writing class to get me more of my “upper level non biology related” credits…we’ll see.  I know deep down, that it really doesn’t matter that I’m on year five and will at least be going into year six of my Bachelors degree…I know that there’s nothing wrong with taking my time through all this.  I think I really just have a nasty case of senior-itis right now and I’m just getting tired of being…well tired XD  I want to travel or go do…something!  I’ve been feeling too static, too stressed, I need something new beyond the daily grind of school and trying to find time for art in the cracks of time I have.  I need to NOT be worrying about Vet school and if I’m going to have the grades to get in.  

Mom and I have been talking about maybe going on a weekend trip to Chicago over my “spring” break, though she’s also going with my Aunt to Florida a week after that, so I don’t know if that’s going to actually happen or not.  If not I’m taking myself to frigging Tawas for a couple days XD Tawas isn’t exactly new to me, but I always enjoy going and right now I really don’t have the money to take a trip out of state to visit friends as much as I’d like to (probably won’t be back to work until April :c *sigh* ) My short adventure to Grand Rapids definitely helped, but it needed to be longer xD So yeah…some kind of traveling needs to happen I think.

On the plus side!  This semester of school has been going MUCH better than my last.  I’m working as a Teaching assistant for my professor who is also a fellow Dresden fan (and we both nerd out over other things together too) so it’s been pretty enjoyable so far! I’ve done some research for her over the summer as well, following Grey Catbirds, and at least if I’m stuck on campus at least another year I can continue to do research and things with her, so that’s a nice bonus.  Calculus is not my favorite class, but I got a good professor who gives lots of extra points, so it seems possible for me to pass right now.  

I think I just need to give myself a little adventure and I’ll be feeling a LOT better, and “spring” break starts February 23rd, so hopefully soon I can!  I just need to break out of this senior-itis and not worry so much.  I’ve got a goal in mind and I’m going to keep pushing my way through until I get to it, I can’t let my struggles trip me up, or dwell on my setbacks.  I’ve come this far I’m sure as heck not stopping now.  I just have to take a little time to refresh myself, reorganize where I’m at, and keep powering through.

Encouragement blog- How do we help?

I was going to post a different encouragement blog for the new year…but due to some more recent events among my little circle of friends I think this is a better topic to start off with.

More people than we probably think about have dealt with someone their close to having suicidal thoughts, or being depressed, or self injuring.  There’s a lot of places that people can go that will talk about what to do if you ARE one of those people, or places you should direct that person if you know about it.  But what about those of us that are constantly on the sidelines?  What about those of us that have to figure out how to cope with the people we know and love telling us about having had these thoughts or done these things? How do we cope when all we want to do is help, but the person we want to help is too ashamed, or too afraid to open up to us?

Goodness these questions have plagued my mind on and off for a large chunk of the past years.  I’ve dealt with three members of my immediate family suffering from clinical depression, and I’ve dealt with my best friend of fourteen years suffering from the same, having suicidal thoughts, and self injuring.  It’s not easy.  Sometimes it’s not even easy to talk about, but over the years I’ve at least begun to understand better, and to try and get a handle on exactly what I can provide that the people I love might want or need from me as they go through this mess

But I can tell you guys, from at least my own experiences…it might not seem like much, but being there, reminding them that you love them, is one of the best things you can ever do.  I can’t say that any of my little tips or things to keep in mind will be effective, because everyone is different, but at least in my case they’ve been helpful, and it just helps sometimes to even know that there’s someone out there dealing with things like you.  And I think sometimes, those of us that have to just sit on the sidelines and worry, get pushed aside without people even really realizing it.  It’s true we’re less in danger physically…but this kind of thing takes an emotional toll.  After all we all worry for our loved ones.  That’s why I want to remind you guys that I’m here, I don’t mind talking, if you’re someone who is on the sidelines and doesn’t know what to do, or if you’re someone who doesn’t know how to talk to your friends about the things going on in your life…we’ll all work through it together 🙂

But anyway, a few things that hopefully, maybe can help those of you on the sidelines:

1.) The big one that I’ve already said a couple times: Just let them know that you’re there, tell them how much you love them and that you would never be ashamed of them, or think any less of them.  Sometimes that’s the biggest thing you can do, because a lot of times aren’t we all afraid of what people think of our deeper, darker secrets?

2.) Understand that getting the person you’re reaching out to, to open up will take time.  It will sometimes be slow progress, but it will be there all the same.  I spent a couple years feeling very frustrated at only the bits and pieces of information I was getting, and felt like I wasn’t being trusted.  But I understand better now.  My friend was scared and ashamed, and it was simply just HARD to put into words some of these things.  We have a much more open dialogue now about it all, but it took time.  You’ll be let in, but don’t push to hard too fast.

3.) If someone does admit to you they’re having suicidal thoughts encourage them to seek help.  Do so as gently as you can, because forcefulness might cause them to retreat in on themselves (see the next number).  Direct them to to hotlines, or even encourage them to go to the hospital.  Their life is much more important than hospital bills!

4.) One of the hardest ones.  Try to keep calm if you hear someone is having or has had some suicidal thoughts.  Freaking out is probably going to cause them to freak out as well, so do your best to keep as calm as you can and refer to #1.

5.) Know that suicidal thoughts, and self injuring are not always one in the same.  Just because someone self injures does not always mean they want to end their life.  A lot of times people do it for a release, like in times of stress (understand I’m just very quickly covering some of this stuff and throwing out one example, SI is a very deep topic and I know that, and I’m kind of covering a lot of topics at once so don’t be mad if I seem I’m glossing things over)  So…refer back to 3, and don’t freak out if someone admits to you that they’ve self injured, don’t accuse them of wanting to end their life right off the bat.

6.) When you talk, just give little encouragements.  Even if someone comes to you admitting maybe they’ve made some kind of mistake, do your best to turn it around and point out something positive from the experience.  Don’t be dissapointed, but understanding, and encouraging.

It basically all boils down to trying to be calm, not being too pushy, and understanding that it’s going to take a while for people to open up. Be loving and encouraging, and let your friends or family or whoever it is know that you care very deeply for them

Remember guys, don’t give up hope.

Lots of love and faith,

Kit

New year: you CAN do it

So I thought it’d be appropriate that my first actual encouragement blog would come right at the new year.  I know so often people hold on to the ideal of the new year for a little while and then it just sort of fizzles out, there’s talk of change and resolutions, but probably to a lot of people it seems artificial because so much is never followed through with.  But guys I truly, honestly believe and will tell you that if you want to change, if you want to do something starting here with the new year, you CAN do it.  It’s not going to be easy, it will probably take a long time, probably longer than a year, you’ll suffer set backs, and people who will probably tell you to give in on your goal.  Heck one of those people might even be you.  But you can do it.  You can push on.  Every time you get set back you push yourself right back up and keep going.  Guys even when you don’t believe in yourselves, someone out there still will.  If you don’t have someone like that I’LL be that someone.  I’ll hang on to that hope for you, and cheer you on as you push through this new year and toward your goals.  If you want to lose weight then keep working towards it, don’t lose faith if/when you gain it back, or part of it, keep working on it and it’ll happen, don’t give up.  If you want a new job then keep applying to anywhere you possibly can that you’d think suitable, even if you don’t get the jobs, keep going guys because eventually the odds will be in your favor.  Want to be a better artist?  Then set some goals this year and work towards them!  Don’t be put out if you don’t see improvement right away, everyone improves at their own pace, and sometimes we hit a slump, but if we keep pushing ourselves we can be amazed at the results!  This applies to anything you’re trying to work toward guys.  I know I know, this is kind of corny, but it’s true, if you want to do something you HAVE to work towards it, and if you do you’re going to have a lot more success at achieving things than if you sit and sulk and tell yourself it’s never going to happen.

It’s a new year, at least use the mentality of a fresh start to your advantage 🙂 set yourself up a plan. Don’t start with big huge goals and changes, start small.  Make a list of small things you want to accomplish over the year that will build up to your larger goals.  And guys this is the big one, support the people around you in their goals, and keep people around you that will support you in turn.  

So to start…how about we chat about what we’d like to accomplish?  Overall personally I would very much like to begin work on a novel this year.  I’ve said it in many years past but never done it, so I think 2014 is the year for it.  So this year I am going to set for myself the goal of A.) decide on which story I actually want to write.  And B) at the very least outline said novel plot and the characters involved.

So take some time and think about what small goals you guys could use to accomplish your goals and if you feel like, share what ones you’d like to accomplish this year!  I believe in you guys, I know you can do it, no matter what it is!

I don’t have a real job

Oh, some days I just love my family and how we mess with each other.  Haha conversations start pretty interestingly around here and it all started with a discussion about badge holders.  This sparked me to look online to see if there were any fox badge holders…not that I have a badge. xD so my sister’s response was “Well once you get a real job you totally need that!” 

Now we all knew what she meant, but my brother and I just had to laugh at that wording and I started joking about how my job is fake.  This of course leads my brother to come into the room saying “I KNEW you were faking this whole time!  You haven’t been going to work on the weekends you’ve been selling catnip on the black market!” 

XD so yeah guys, I don’t have a real job, I’m a drug dealer to cats on the black market.  True story.

Someone take this away from me.

Seriously someone just take the second half of my http://thepublisheroct.deviantart.com/ round away from me and post it.  I cannot seem to stop changing it!  Most of the changes have been in the last two days too! ” For goodness sake Kit the deadline is tomorrow leave it alone and post it already!” Is essentially what I keep telling myself but then I keep. changing. it. 

I’m certainly glad I changed it the first time from when I’d first started writing it, because it was so full of exposition and it felt like it was starting too much like my first round.  I’m trying to narrow down my exposition a little and jump more into the action.  Though right now my key worry in the second half is did I write too much, and did the tone change too much/too quickly? :/ bah I really just need to post it and let come what comes.  It’s so easy to start second guessing yourself but what’s the point in the end? Have confidence in your work, learn from your mistakes, that’s all we can do isn’t it? 

To the wolf with love

Today is a very important someone’s birthday…ok well she’s very important to me.  Okami, aka Wolfesque, aka Wolfy ( http://wordpress.com/read/blog/id/45306907/ ) has survived yet another year to turn yet another year older.  That in of itself has often times been a miracle all it’s own, and I couldn’t be happier to be able to wish one of my best friends a very happy birthday.

 

Okami I know we’ve been through a lot, both together and separately.  You’ve gone through hellish times and I’ve gone with you as closely as I could.   We’ve been through our good times too over these past…what…Thirteen years…fourteen? …What number are we even on? XD Regardless as your best friend and sister in all but blood, just remember through the rest of today that I love you Okami, no matter what life throws at us and the struggles we go through you’ll be stuck with me year after year as your bestie.  So here’s to another year, another birthday, and another sappy message from me! XD   Seriously Okami I hope you had a good one and I hope you always remember how much you mean to me.